{meliologie} {ivyologie}

HaHAH! You can! I'm on weight watchers, since I'm the fattest I've ever been. And I've lost a little weight- and I'm not hungry.

In the beginning it was a little hard to tread the line between diet and ED. I have a rather compulsive personality... so there were a few almost puking times... and a few almost fasting days- b/c after awhile, you feel that when your stomach growls, its working, and you are losing weight. But now, I am feeling more mentally healthy about the whole thing.

Its been a lot easier that I thought- to switch to low fat/ non fat/ low calorie foods. They taste almost the same, anyway. And I'm getting better at being okay with microwaving stuff. All in all, I feel better about my food choices- and my stomach shrunk. I'm making such an effort. And its working... though slowly. That makes me happy-ish.

Weird Habits

This Meme Challenge from twopeas is about weird habits. I don't know if I have any weird ones. I know I have bad ones. I have secret ones. I have good ones. Weird, though... I dunno.

I, uh, have to check to make sure the closets are closed before going to sleep. I go thru some serious OCD-ish cycles, where each chair must be pushed in, and everything must be lined up, ie: shoes, items on a table.

I have to put all my SBing stuff away before going to bed each night.

I like to dance in the elevator by myself while it takes me up to the 12th floor.

Thats as weird as I get!

Global Warming Could Spell Disaster for Blacks: "Posted Jan. 18, 2006 � If you thought Hurricane Katrina was a once-in-a-lifetime fluke, think again. Concerned environmentalists say that unless the United States gets real about the threat of global warming, African Americans and other people of color can expect a repeat of disasters like Katrina."

Wow. I'm glad *I* don't have to worry, ya know, not being a person of color.

Leave it to BET to take an environmental story, and twist it to help market it to their target audience. I mean, seriously. With mini-headlines within the story that say, "Bad News for Blacks" and "Pollution Worse for Us," it demonstrates how odd people can think.

Here's a quote from the story: Relatively, Blacks are environmental Good Samaritans. Per capita, we emit approximately 20 percent less carbon dioxide than Whites – well below 2020 targets set by the U.S. Climate Stewardship Act. Not only do we use more energy-conserving public transportation, we spend considerably less per capita on energy-intensive material goods.

I'm not racist, nor am I profiling or stereotyping anyone. But if most of the people riding the bus could buy a car, they would. We'd all be at the same levels. The bus-riders, regardless of color of COURSE emit less CO2.

Another one: Yet Blacks are exposed to worse air pollution than Whites in every major metropolitan area.

Um, how is that possible. If I'm standing next to my Black friend, she is getting more pollution than myself? Is that physically possible? Where are their statistics coming from?

One more: That’s bad news, especially for African Americans. Citing Katrina as a case-in-point, some environmentalists say global warming impacts minorities and the disadvantaged harder than other groups. If global warming gets worse, many African-American communities will be more vulnerable to breathing ailments, insect-carried diseases and heat-related illness and death.

I think next time I read where tornados wipe out big CHUNKS of the midwest, I'm going to write a story called "Weather Anomalies Spell Disaster to White People!" I bet *that* wouldn't go over as well as this story.

Last night was our full moon ritual. We did a wish working, both for ourselves, and for the coven. We also did a protection working for my former covenmate Windkisssed. She's having some "negative energy from another person" problems. We raised a lot of energy for her- hope she felt it. Next month is our self-love ritual, and we'll be doing a working for a family member of a sister. Fun.

Then, some of us went to Caliqs for the Sister Witch Society party. We ended up getting there kinda late- like at 11. But we stayed until 145am, and were among the last to leave. There were so many people there- new faces! So fun! I'm just kinda bummed cause everyone was crafting and I didn't get a chance to talk to EVERYONE. But I made a new friend, and caught up with an old one, and got one whole row of knitting done. We also went outside and had a nice casual circle. We went around the circle, saying what made us a goddess, passed a candle, and then, the reciever of the candle said, "You are a goddess." We also did a prosperity spell for another girl there. Everyone had fun. A couple people hugged me and thanked me for presiding over the circle. That was really nice!

Its tough to write a different type of circle when you are used to writing a big ol' Wiccan circle. But I had a lot of fun!

It's been awhile since I blogged. Nothing big has happened, really. Saturday night I hung out with Melissa (Bens sister) and she brought 3 kids and Bens mom with. It was pretty cool, I got 2 pages SBed. Sunday we took all the holiday decor down, and got rid of the tree. Today I went to an all day training, but they let us out early, so I just went home and took care of my work there. :) I have to make a presentation tomorrow to my sales office in a meeting. Fun.

Sorry about my depressing last couple posts. I've been having some problems sleeping since I went on Weight Watchers. I don't know exactly what it is, but I've been having some issues. Last Wednesday I didn't sleep at all, and its been a battle. I'm learning that wine helps. Particularly if you down three glasses one after another.

Did I mention I'm not counting alcohol in my points. And I'm okay with that. I'm hoping to get all hot and skinny with weight watchers. That would be CRAZY. Then I'd grow my hair out nice and long like it used to be. And wear a short skirt, unless my cellulite doesn't go away. I'm thinking it will, though because of my fiber intake. :)

I'm posting a picture of me- it was taken last year (or the year before), but it makes my boobs look kinda biggish. :) I like it- and I rarely say that about a picture of myself.

I think Ima add it to my myspace, too. May as well. :) Only 4 days until the weekend! And its a full moon on Saturday as well!

I'm pretty well aware of the parts of me that I don't like. One is the fact that I have issues regarding being yelled at by men. I believe they stem from one BAD relationship- but I'll spare you those details.

When I'm yelled at, for example, if my boyfriend yells at me, I mentally detach myself from the situation. Its almost like I go into a catatonic state. I never really noticed it, but I paid attention tonight. I just want to curl into a ball on the floor, eyes wide open and just barely exist. Most of the time, I can't even hear what they are yelling at me, because all my attention is focused on not having a panic attack or collapsing onto the ground. Its an odd feeling, almost like meditation, focused on nothing, yet focused on everything. Like a coping mechanism?

At least I realize that it's weird, right?

Hurt and pain
fall like
suicide rain
cast the blame
on me
I'm insane

Smell the flowers?
Instead, count the hours
before the powers
take me far from this place

Piles upon piles
on shit go for miles
of issues exposed
and hard times and trials

So when anger ensues=
my segregation within
my fear
silent cry
for your one of them

men

not your fault
I'm a vault
of layers of salt

dissolving in pain
of suicide rain

I got this from Rayne's myspace... Pretty interesting.