{meliologie} {ivyologie}

I'm pretty well aware of the parts of me that I don't like. One is the fact that I have issues regarding being yelled at by men. I believe they stem from one BAD relationship- but I'll spare you those details.

When I'm yelled at, for example, if my boyfriend yells at me, I mentally detach myself from the situation. Its almost like I go into a catatonic state. I never really noticed it, but I paid attention tonight. I just want to curl into a ball on the floor, eyes wide open and just barely exist. Most of the time, I can't even hear what they are yelling at me, because all my attention is focused on not having a panic attack or collapsing onto the ground. Its an odd feeling, almost like meditation, focused on nothing, yet focused on everything. Like a coping mechanism?

At least I realize that it's weird, right?