{meliologie} {ivyologie}

Its a very slow going day at work today. Its only 330. 2 more hours or so... and then I can go back home. Sloooooooooooooooooow. I started a new scarf at work, but its almost the same color as the other one.

My co-worker got me a little throw pillow that says, "Life Without Scrapbooking? I don't think so!" for Xmas. Too cute. My boss brought us back pashminas from her cruise. She brought me a black one- I love it! So versitile. I really really like it. I'm realizing that the shawl that my mom got me for my sisters wedding is an ivory pashmina. Which means I can wear it with lots of stuff and I shouldn't let it sit there with my bridesmaid dress.

I'm wearing my new brown pants today that my mom got me for Christmas- they fit me. So, yeah, I'm fat, but now I have pants that fit me. Hooray! Tonight, I might take a nap, I've been feeling really run down lately and emotional.... total PG signs according to my mom, sister and a co-worker. But I don't think we've done the deed in a looooong while. Definitely not since I had my AF.

I'm really glad its a short week. Tomorrow is Wednesday already! Yay. Wednesdays are family days, where my sister, and cousins all go to my moms house where we indulge in wine and card playing. :) Its a nice break in the week... like a girls night in. Ben has gotten used to it, I think. Its also nice that my mom lives so close, so that its not a long drive to my place.

Speaking of ben, he's obviously feeling better today, which is good. I'm really worrying about him losing his job, since he's been so sick lately. Then we'd REALLY be screwed on bills and I'd have to whore myself out or something. Just kidding, obviously.

But seriously, if I was thin and beautiful, I would SO be a stripper. They can make such great money. And I'm a good dancer, even if I'm a little hippy. Or as my sister says- I have a mutant butt... it can move by itself. (READ: Im good at isolations)

Anyway, thats all for now... my sleepy butt is going back to work.
Adieu.

Why is it that in the beginning of a relationship, I'm so perverted and freaky.... then after awhile my sex drive disappears? I've been thinking on it- I think that some of it is my inability to have an orgasm during sex.... and the fact that I rarely let my DBF help me with that. (Can we say I have control issues?) I DO have the big O, but I like to do it all by myself. ;)

Its like... my desire for sex is different than my desire to O. PLUS, I really get in the mood when my DBF is unable to, ie: not home, he's sick, etc.

Man, this blows.

Look what I got for Xmas!




...And this!



I also got some nice clothes that I can wear to work, some PJs, and some nice bath stuff, like a tray that goes over the tub and holds your wine. :)

What did YOU get?

My parents and Bens parents are both coming over to our apartment tonight. :) Ben is our right now, doing his shopping and picking up food for tonight. I hope he didn't spend too much at Costco. He's supposed to come home and clean the bathroom before tonight. Im looking forward to everyone coming over tonight. :) I hope it goes well.

May the gods bless you and keep you. May your light illuminate the path as you move on into the next world. I'll miss you, but I know that your presence will always be with me, and I'll talk with you once again. Blessed be.

Today I got off work early! I cleaned out the fridgie, took a bunch of crap out to my storage thingy, did the dishes and straighted up the house. And then I didn't do ANYTHING until right now. I did one more coven present. 2 more to go. Well, ONE and then MINE. :)

Ben wants me to come and hang with him, but he's watching mythbusters. I bet he won't cave, either. When will he learn that if he wants be with me, he'll have to find something to watch that I wanna watch. Silly.

I got this idea from a peas blog -http://scrappinjana.typepad.com/-

You just google your name and "needs" and see what comes up. Its funny to see what Melissa's all over need:

-Maintenance Manuals
-to board the blob ship that is hovering overhead
-a shoulder to cry on
-your help to understand tar
-a ride and smitten conversation
-to make shit up
-no introduction
-a man, and she needs one fast

Funny!

... which was never good anyway, Tuesday I feel a little sideways, Wednesday, I feel better just for spite. Thursday and Friday take too long, before I know it Saturdays gone and its Sunday now and you can bet that I'm alright. ~Lorrie Morgan

Well, I feel much more sane today- took Bens truck BACK to the dealer today, since its still AFU. They said if we wait 'til the beginning of the year, they'll get us a rental car. Which is good, cause we shouldn't have to pay for ANOTHER rental. But that made me late for work. Ben and I are gonna do a little shopping tonight, we hope. Then its back to the house and I can finish the projects that I'm working on for my coven sisters! I hope they like it... they'll laugh cause they are ivy-ish.

I should probably do a layout on my last post- some of the design calls are looking for raw and personal layouts. And maybe that post would qualify. I could try to take a picture of my scar. That would be interesting.

I bet its somewhat like being a recovering cutter. There are those women to cut for attention, and then there are ones like me. When I feel hurt, frustration or despair, the urge to hurt myself is so strong, sometimes its like it's choking me. Sometimes I feel like I can't even breathe. Scary. I don't know if I feel like I need to be punished for something, or what. I'm pretty sure that sometimes it is. But sometimes its just out of frustration. Sometimes maybe I feel like its the only thing I can control.

I haven't cut... probably for four or five years. But when something goes wrong, especially when I'm stressed about money- I blame myself and my first thought is the knife. Is that awful? Maybe. But its the truth. It sucks, but its part of me.

For years, its been a battle and I've overcome every time. Through sheer will and determination. Most people don't see this weeping, sick part of myself. I hate it.

Okay, so this is the LAZIEST afternoon ever. I got up UBER late. I feel like a schmuck. I wish I could just NOT feel like a horrible person if the house has a little clutter. Or if I don't get 3847 things done today.Ugh.

Tomorrow is work. Traffic coming home has been so bad, I might start taking the 57. Getting out of the parking lot onto Katella is awful. I think they are doing some sort of construction. Being right by the Pond and Angel Stadium AND the Grove ALSO sucks. Unless Im going to a game, then its not too bad. LOL. The cable system side moved too.... from Miraloma TO Miraloma. So, we have to update our contacts over there.

AAAND now all the parking is screwed up. The people from Hooters has to park where we used to park and we have to park in this cancer causing parking structure. YES, this structure has a big sign saying it might cause cancer. Niiice. And if I dont park there I get a ticket. Thats not fair. They are putting in a Starbucks, a Quiznos and a Wahoos in our parking lot. So, thats okay, I guess. I'll brave the cancer causing chemicals if I end up getting a Starbucks.

At least my boss will be out all next week. She's on a cruise. Lucky girl. I want to go on a cruise.

Anyway... I have to go- errands, shopping and all that crap.

Last night, we had our annual Friends and Family Yule ritual! It was great! We had a nice sized turnout. We started closer to on time than ever before, and we had a few new faces. We took pictures with Raynes digital camera, so hopefully she'll post them here soon.

We seated the spectators- we allow spectators at our rituals, so that those who don't want to particpate can get a feel for what happens. Ligeiya smudged me first so I could go in and cleanse the ritual room. Then, everyone lined up and Ligeiya smudged everyone. Everyone came in and formed a circle around the beautiful altar, and the quarters took their places. I don't want to go into detail about the ritual, but we sacrificed something about ourselves that we didnt like to the dark before we cast the circle. Then we learned the short chant, and I cast the circle. The ritual began. We had our usual enactment of the battle of the kings and we welcomed the sun by calling to him in song. I felt we raised a LOT of energy. I could really feel it on my fingers.

For this ritual, I was in the center of the circle, rather than a part of the circle like I usually am. It was very different, and I really liked the feeling of taking in the energy and helping send it up.

This song is my guilty pleasure.
I'm REALLY too old to like Hilary Duff.

You are driving me out of my mind
'Cause you take me everywhere but out at night
What more do you need for me to get with you

[Chorus:]I didn't see this coming
Why don't you start me up?
There's no more messin' around(Come on and light me up)
This could be the start of something
Why don't you party-up
Time for you to come on down

I dream about it in my sleep
You seem to like me better when I creep
This time I won't lose

[Chorus]

You roll me, you use me, you love me and then
You wrap me up and reel me in and use me again
You love me, you hate me, you say it's the end
I know you're gonna do it again and again...

One more prettified pic. This is the fixed one from down below.

Testing this... my blog has been screwed up since I added pics. :( So sad.

This is me, prior to fixing it so I look good. ;)

A few shots of the party



























Willow and her new blankie...









Our Mistress of Ceremonies, Caliq!









Rayne making a pretty glass....









BAKLAVA!!!









finally.... a group shot, sans moi...

Hope you enjoyed the pictures!

Well, it certainly is a MONDAY.

630AM- Wake up earlier than usual
720AM- On the road to Board Ford to get Bens truck out of the shop
730AM- Get call from frantic sick co-worker. My other coworker took today off, so its supposed to be me and just the sickie. I told her I'd be there as soon as I can.
750AM- Pick up truck
755AM- On our way to enterprise to drop off the rental
810AM- At Enterprise, they say there is damage to the vehicle, Ben starts to freak out, but I paid for the damage waiver anyway. It ended up being damage-free.
840AM- Get another call from co-worker. Shes puking all over the place. She's going home, and will I please get there before 9AM. Right.
900AM- Pull into work
910AM- Get to my desk after my 12 floor elevator ride, to find my manager chatting on my phone. I explained to her why I was late and she was cool with it.
1000AM- Fax my order paperwork in.
1030AM- Work on excel stuff- I actually got to use my brain- yay!
1100AM- My boss asks me if I want her to go get my some lunch, since Im all alone. I decline- I don't like it when people buy me things- especially for NOTHING. Im just doing my job.
1130AM- An AE asks me if I want her to go get my lunch, since I helped her out so well this morning. Ditto above response.
1200N- Another AE asks me to check her revision. Its way wrong.... so wrong I have to do MATH. Toldya it was a Monday.
.........
............
300PM- Go to the restroom, praying no one calls the phones, and I got my period. Great. The pad in the machine has wings! Great- what irony- since my poor chonies are ruined.
Now, its 400PM- at least the day has FLOWN by.

A post regarding Paganism that I responded to. Some of those peas are just so nice. :)

Good morning! Well, not really. Bens been sick a few days this week, and last week, so money will be tight right around the holidays. Great.

On a decent note, today is the office luncheon. We are going to Macaroni Grill in Tustin. Yum! I guess, last year they didn't have to go back to the office, but this year, they are being jerks about us answering the phones (uh, thats why there is a 411 feature and a VM box).

I am absolutely sick of the regional people. I want to make voodoo dolls of them.

One of the account executives owns a hotel in Laguna Beach, and I guess most people are going there afterwards. Another one of my AEs asked me if I was going- but no one invites us lowly coordinators to anything in this office. When I worked in San Dimas, we were seen as equals. Here, we are lucky if they say hello. They get all quiet and go to lunch together, and never ask us if we wanna go. Its not like, MEAN, perse... its just odd to me. And I bet that if you asked them, they would be shocked to find that I feel that way. They are nice people.... but a lot of them aren't very down to earth.

Well, I'm off to work- I have so much that I could dish about work.... yet I must go there. *sad*

Well, Saturday night was interesting... to say the least. I wasn't feeling like going out, and was broke, so I invited a couple of friends over to play games or knit or something. We hung out... Ben and I got in a little snit, so he was grumpy. We ended up going to Wal*Mart and I found the most fun CD ever! It had 90s hip hop... like Bust A Move, Baby Got Back, Wild Thing. We drove West and East Roads, then headed back.

We started drinking a little bit. And then a little bit more.... and then my friends wanted more to drink, so they were gonna walk to the 7-11. Its kinda far on a street with no lights- so I said I'd drive. This was like at 1AM.

On the way, I called Eric. I waited outside the 7-11 with the random spanish guitar player guy. I was talking to him about my friends and mentioned that one was the maiden in my coven. Some spun out dude heard that and started freaking out about WITCHCRAFT. He tried to harass me, but I turned around and gave him my back. I wasn't interested.

As my friends got out of the 7-11, I told them to hurry to the car. The Methguy got in my friends face. She stopped and was like... "what?! What you gonna do?!" Methguys friend called us fat whores and pulled Methguy away. I kept saying "get in the car." Finally, we piled into the car and calmed Rayne down.

I've decided that I'm going to get pepperspray.

Well, its almost 3AM on a Sunday morning. I've had a little to drink. I drove to the 7-11, and we almost got assaulted by a meth user. TG that Eric was on the phone with me. The shit us witches go thru. This long haired guy wanted to get in my face but I turned my back to him. So he got in my friends. I gave her the look that she saw the last time some over zealous guy gave us shit. More to come, when Im more coherant. Uh-oh. I got told on... bye!